Routines

With the first day of school here, my intention was to write about routines. I thought about it all weekend - why routines are good for kids (and parents!) and what new routines I would start along with the new school routine. We have positive school habits like most families: early bed time and limited TV / video game time, etc.

But the morning was not about routines. When I was walking the boys to school, just as soon as we passed the crossing guard, he collapsed. Luckily my 5th grader had walked ahead with his cousin. But my 1st grader and I saw it as it happened. His little face was mixed with concern and fear as we turned and saw the man crumpled in the street. It was awful. He had just crossed us safely 3 minutes before. Several fathers rushed to assist, and a policeman was yards away and quickly called an ambulance, but the crossing guard passed away at the hospital.

This evening I will be asked the hard questions. About life, and about the end of life. Years ago, when dealing with another death, I was counseled on telling a child that someone had died. The counselor was incredibly helpful. She said that we (adults) "over detail" our children. Children don't need details; they just need facts. Instead of trying to explain something that you really can't - you just state the facts, and then you can identify and/or relate to the child's emotions. "He died." "Why?" "His heart stopped." "Oh, why did his heart stop?" "I am really not sure." (It is okay not to have all the answers.) "That is sad." "Yes, it is sad." (Hug your child.)

I'm sure that I will be asked if he is in heaven. We get this question a lot from the kids. The four year old often asks who or what goes to heaven. Do houses go to heaven? (no); plants? (I'm sure this is because I kill so many of them - no); dogs? (yes - although I'm not sure but I say yes); fish? (no). I find that talking about heaven is much easier than talking about death.

The thing about talking about death is that we want to provide answers without worrying our children. Death should not be scary. It is sad, but not frightening.

I feel very sad for the family of the crossing guard. I hope that he and his family exchanged good, loving words this morning, before he went off to his new job protecting our children. I feel sad that the first day of school will be marked by the death of someone that wanted to keep our children safe.

When confronted with death, I think of how much I have in life. It makes any issue that is on my mind today (juggling schedules, getting the laundry done, even paying bills) seem insignificant.

What matters most is a developing a routine of loving our children and other important people in our lives. I'd be interested to hear how you make that part of your routine. Let me know by commenting on the post.


Be thankful today for the children in your arms and the people that you love that are with you. And, please, say a prayer tonight for the families who have lost the ones they love.

Stay Strong!

Mecca