welcome

Hi! Thanks for stopping by. StrongMom is dedicated to provide anything that might help a mom stay strong - while I can't give you an extra hour of sleep; I hope to provide you with any kind of tip that has worked for me with my children, as well as recipes, relationship tips, encouragement, etc. We moms need to stick together!

What are my credentials? Five children (no twins, all single births) ranging from age 11 to 2. Two girls, three boys. One child with Down Syndrome. One child with ADHD. I also have a full time job, travel, and participate in church activities. Yes, I have a wonderful hubby, too. Our lives are full and wonderful and quite busy.

Tonight, my StrongMom tip is just the basic principle of parenting: Consistency. If you can't get this right, don't try anything else. You must, above all, be consistent. This means if you say you're going to do something, do it. Too often, parenting is inconvenient. At our house, we have a no tolerance policy for whining. Our four year old often violates this policy. And at the worst times. I've just gotten home from work, and still in my high heels I am preparing dinner. He's had his snack at the alotted time of 4:00, but when I walk in it seems that like Pavlov's experiments I've triggered the "I need a snack" reflex. I don't give in - I remind him that dinner is on the way (see Mommy cooking it?) And he begins to whine. It is completely inconvenient for me to stop what I am doing and take him to the chair placed in his room for punishment. So I warn... and warn again... and the whining doesn't stop. Why? Because he knows I'm busy. And I have seven mouths to feed at 6:30 when my husband walks in the door. And there are other children in the house that need something. Have you been there?

But, here's the key - when I stop what I am doing, and gently but firmly take him in to his room and place him on the chair, and tell him that he will be sitting there until he stops whining - the whining comes to a complete and sustained halt. Yes, he will try us frequently. And if we, without warning, simply take him to the chair when he whines for the first time, we can go DAYS without whining. Even weeks. Unfortunately that one time when we warn, and warn, and warn without stopping what we do will completely undo all the good work that we've done with the no tolerance policy... so we must start over.

Mom's - it is in your hands. It's in your control. If there is a behavior that your child is doing that you don't like, be consistent about stopping it. AND DO NOT NEGOTIATE. Child not eating dinner? The consequence is no snack, no cereal, no dessert, no nothing. Don't budge. Don't be swayed in to a sandwich or something small. If your goal is to have your child eat his/her dinner, then save that dinner plate for when he/she asks for food. Our parents did it. And it works. But the moment you give in and give something else, you've just invited a whole months worth of work in to your home to undo your moment of weakness. Stay Strong, Mom!

The key to staying strong is to first be consistent in all things. If you say your child gets a reward for doing something well - then reward him. We'll talk rewards later, but when I say reward please know that I am saying TIME and not money. We have turned our children in to materialistic consumers instead of giving contributors... again, another post for that topic. Consistency in all things is the same as having integrity - doing what you say you are going to do, in all situations. Don't threaten something that you know you will never do. (example: telling your child that if he acts up on vacation that he'll never come back on vacation with you again... unless you have childcare for a week and could really live with yourself if you didn't bring him with you the next year.) Children are not stupid. Even children with developmental delays will call your bluff - I have living proof in my oldest daughter. If my husband threatens something that will never happen (I'll leave you at home alone while we go have fun at the pool) she'll say "RIGHT, DAD!" in a sarcastic way and won't change her behavior. If he warns her of a real, impending punishment (If you continue to do that you will lose TV priviledges for an entire day) she'll immediately change her behavior.

Okay friends, here's my last word on consistency - think before you threaten - understand exactly what you want your child to do - and DO what you say you are going to do. While inconvenient, stop what you are doing to do what you said you would do. I have to stop now and put five little tired children to bed, because I said that bedtime is 9:00 tonight and I have 8 minutes to keep my word.

Thanks again for sharing a few minutes with me. Post your comments, and your consistency stories for others to see!

Stay Strong!
StrongMom